Women like myself are known for doing things that don’t make any sense ie women logic. Being autistic means that while my mental state and processes are more akin to what you would find in a man, I have all of the hormones you would find in a woman. This means that I confuse most people that I come across and even I don’t understand my logic all of the time. In the past couple of years I have been so full of hormones that I haven’t been able to think straight. I was trying to establish a career while simultaneously trying to have a baby. The end result is that neither has been achieved and now my body has decided enough is enough. My brain has also decided enough of the competition I don’t want to play this game any more. As both were extraordinarily taxing on me I couldn’t have a social life so I inadvertently pushed anyone away who tried to help. Now I’m left empty trying to scrabble together whats left of my life. I feel worn out like I do every January and like I have done for quite some time. Children are tiresome but rejuvenating in another sense. Like Samuel Johnson said if your tired of London, your tired of life; I feel if your tired of adult life have a child to perk you back up. This is in no way idealizing having a child to cure all your problems. Its just that adult life seems devoid of all the joys and hope you had when you were a child. The starry eyed feeling of novelty and the experience of the new before you become jaded by the injustices of the world you can do nothing about. Ignorance isn’t bliss though, just naivete.