I was told this today and when I’m in a good mood I may believe this but if I’m extremely emotional I will not. Autistic people are good at suppressing their emotions as we have so many in relation to everything. This sublimation means that we can be fired up for years about something. However, when we have sufficiently healed up that boundary we no longer have any motivation to continue with that task. That wasn’t our real task in the first place. It was a distraction that took all of our being and we didn’t know how to fight it. We felt powerless as we are so open to new experiences and opportunities. Our reluctance to participate in new activities is from past experiences that left negative energy within us.
Autism presents many challenges in today’s world but I’m still struggling to find the upside. Social skills and communication are necessary for success in life but if your autistic your going to act like the proverbial fish climbing the tree. So you need to become so good they ignore your deficits. However this is a conundrum as we can’t focus on our work and be around people. It’s one or the other for us which is frustrating because I’m a bit greedy here wanting both. It has meant I have neither a career or what a neuro typical would describe as social skills or the ability to communicate. Here again I’m using an apple to describe an orange if you will forgive the mixed metaphor. Everything in our current world requires an autistic to be a Savant or to mask (when an autistic pretends to be neuro typical) in order for them to be employed or fit in during a social event. Neither of these options are healthy as Savants frequently are incapable of looking after themselves Kim Peek let alone anyone else and to mask is so incredibly draining that your running half full all the time.
I recently went to Berlin and visited many art galleries and museums. While there I came across an exhibit called Uterus Manby Lu Yang . This was based on a real life Japanese man who wanted so much to be genderless that he offered his genitals for sale cookedMao Sugiyama . He was asexual and believed that it would distract him from his life that he had planned. I know I have struggled and still do greatly when my hormones turn up every month and have frequently wished I didn’t have any but that is so unnatural. Wanting to be a robot as it’s peaceful is more a commentary on the painfulness of life than anything else. Emotions are part of change and like a comment I read on the East Side Gallery “If you want life to remain the same, you don’t want life to remain at all”.