(Dis)Connection

I’m currently feeling rather bereft at the minute. As usual I’m using obscure words to explain that I will left out and disconnected from the world. The good feelings I get from a night out or three quickly dissipate. I know lots of people but they don’t live where I am. I need social connections closer to home but the more you try to force it the more they pull away. Friendship is very much like looking for love. If you seem desperate your not going to be attractive to potential friends. We all need to reach out to have others understand us but there is a thin line between neediness and aloofness. Being so distant that people think your uninterested is a line I don’t know how to navigate. There are many areas of socialisation that I still cannot do and I may never learn. This gives me great pains or if I were to write it as it initially came into my mind – it pains me, emphasising the pain aspect of the sentence. I am struggling with my life and I don’t know what to do as the weather is atrocious as you expect from the uk at this time of the year. I have tried all the options that I know of for meeting friends and they haven’t worked. I feel like I’m searching for something or someone that perhaps isn’t there. Help please someone before I go stir crazy from impending hibernation.

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