Hormones and pheromones
I have found in my life that the hormones that are released when I’m socialising makes me more neurotypical but a lack of this type of activity makes me more autistic. The shot of hormones that is gained from socialising doesn’t last long so they need to be replenished frequently. However, since we (autistics) myself included suffer from what is termed an introvert hangover (too much new data to process) – this present us with a conundrum.
When you add in the fact that we don’t like touch either; which is a critical part of social communication. We come across what has now become a paradox. We hate what in essence makes us better as we have a tendency to overanalyse everything to the nth degree. We are aware that socialising doesn’t come naturally to us so there is always potential to commit many faux pas. We must therefore think about the situations we have just been involved in to detect occasions when we said or acted in an inappropriate manner.
Connection needs vulnerability
We don’t want to make ourselves vulnerable as we are manipulated too much and far too often. Hence we are not very good at making connections as this requires us to let our guard down. We have been tricked too many times through our naivety, innocence and purity. So in an effort to restore harmony to our lives, we cut ourselves off to protect ourselves. But this has the unexpected side effect of harming ourselves at the same time. We’re not good at balancing the social equation as there are far too many variables to quantify and the majority of these are out of our control so they unnerve us. We are incredibly sensitive so we don’t let just anyone in which is what you have to do when you hug an unknown person. Hence our reluctance to do what is considered by many to be a completely normal act of greeting in most cultures. Don’t even get me started on kissing.
Is being on top worth it?
We dislike the fact that although it feels so good when we are at the top of our game, it’s so easily lost and so very difficult to get back up there. We spend most of our time in the doldrums and this is not a pleasant place to be. We want to escape but a lack of neurotypical social skills prevents this.
This feeling can be summed up by the reworked quote
“We feel it is better not to love than to have loved and lost.”
Our feelings are intense as there multi sensual and we don’t forget easily. So it hurts us to the extent that it can disable us with the depth and breadth that has been experienced. We are the opposite of most things hence me turning the above quote around.
Do you have any input on this topic?